Restless nights are starting to get to me. I begin to worry about idiotic things I have no control over. I cry about having no purpose, direction, or even no reason to get out of bed. Life's becoming an endless cycle of annoyance and disappointment; I HATE it! Can not having a job really have this much of an affect on me? Or are there underlying factors that I'm missing?
I question everything about myself lately, and over analyzing myself is scary. I'm reflecting, trying to look deeper. But what if there is nothing deeper? what if this is it?! What if this never gets better? what if I end up like them? Can I be independent? Too many questions and not enough answers.
On top of everything this sickness is creeping up on me and I don't think I can fight it off anymore. Maybe I should just give in, let it consume me. Maybe it'll cause my body to slowly decay and I can go quietly and finally achieve "the eternal shut up". Or maybe it'll pass right by me and I'll feel 100% better. Either way things are looking bleak.
Can you die from a sore throat? God I hope so....